Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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