I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize