If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
