He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
