Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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