8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
