HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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