I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
