Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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