i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
