Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
