You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
nutella sex= disaster
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
