ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize