but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize