TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
