whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
