Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
