Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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