I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
