It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
