i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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