I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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