I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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