Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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