i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize