You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
