I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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