people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
