Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
