Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
