I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
