She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize