well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
