dude i'm inner monologue high
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
