Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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