She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize