what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
