need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
