Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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