Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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