I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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