capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Success! We fucked roommates!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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