do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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