Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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