its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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