its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
