I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
