I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize