I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
