It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
