I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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