It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize