The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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