U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
