Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
