Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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