Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
