Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And then he peed in my hair
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