peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
