Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
