I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize