I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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