wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
