I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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