he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
