you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
