Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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