i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
