so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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